I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
