Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
