my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
