I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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