Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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