i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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