your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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