Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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