Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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