Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
