We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
