she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
