I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
