waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
