She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
