I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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