the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
