shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
