and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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