I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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