I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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