I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
