all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
