that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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