everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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