No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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