ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
