so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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