This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Holy shit dude........stairs
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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