He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
