I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
