I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
