Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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