But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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