even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
