it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
