Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
