My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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