I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
