i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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