Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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