Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
