i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
