If that was your dad, he is hot
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
