Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
