i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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