You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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