I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
time to smoke my breakfast
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
