After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
