im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My pussy is not your playground.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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