We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
